I always seem to be writing a blog post and the most in the most inconvenient times. The last one I was getting up early to travel and now tonight I’m supposed to be getting up early to finish preparations for my graduation party.
Aside from facts I’ve come to truly talk with my fellow readers.
Life hasn’t been easy lately, let’s be real with ourselves and say that life itself isn’t that easy.
During times like these, just after losing my mom, isn’t going to be a piece of cake. Those of you who have been keeping up with my blog will know the majority of the things that I’ve been currently struggling with.
I have my good days and my bad ones, but lately I’ve been feeling as if the world will swallow me up whole.
Most recently I’ve went though a situation that ultimately shattered me right down to my very being, As I was crying that completely losing my cool I looked over to my aunt and said “You have no idea how badly I wish my mom was here,”and in that moment I just wanted to be held and told that everything was fine and that I wasn’t blowing anything out of proportion.
In that moment I was taught to well once again never to trust anyone, no matter who the person is, that I’m better off being by myself.
The littlest things can set me off to having a bad day, it could be something you said, or something that reminds me of my mom. Most of the time it’s in those moments that I’m flooded back with all the emotions I encountered 4 months ago.
Except this time I’m no longer in that state of shock, protection, I personally call it, (When you are in shock you could have a gash in your leg and still “walk it off”)
I no longer have that veil or that sheet of protection, so as you can imagine my emotions have to power to make or break me.
My emotions play a huge part in how I run my day-to-day life.
For example, my next huge step in my life is to finally get a job, but sometimes I sit down and think that I don’t get to go home and complain to mom about how crummy my day was.
Another step I’ll be taking is to finally learn how to drive. When I went out to Illinois I actually got behind the wheel and drove. I just couldn’t have been more excited about the matter but even now in this very moment I want to share it with my mom, because she was one of the few people who could match my sheer excitement.
When I do get my licence it too will bring a damper on things because I will have done something that she’s never gotten to do. Get this, my mom was 57 and she never once had her licence nor has she ever driven.
I sometimes sit down, ponder and think that maybe one day I’ll live past the age of 57 and that it’ll yet be another thing I’ve completed that she never got to do.
Sometimes within the storm, the season within your life, you feel as if the world will swallow you whole, you want nothing but your mom.
We often forget that when you become that shattered vase on the ground that you can always pick up the pieces of your shattered life and turn them into a beautiful mosaic.
A mosaic is tons of shattered stone, tile or glass that is formed or pieced together to make a greater picture.
I love you all as always,
-Be Happy, Be True, Be you-