||June 19th 2016||
Today is a hard day for me. Often as a child I dreaded this day, sometimes it’s just another day but other times I just don’t wanna get out of bed. Today is Father’s Day and if you guys know me the least bit, you know that I rarely talk about my father. I never talk about this or how I feel concerning my father. I’m gonna be raw and honest here, no holding back. This has got to be one of the blog posts I have no idea how to start.
On August 9th, Carolynn Bright came into the world one month premature. My parents at the time were going through divorce, the custody arrangements were not yet finalized due to me not being born yet. My sisters were a whole one state away with my father, If any of you are mothers you know how stressful that can be. Due to my mom being under a ton of stress I was born premature and my mom had almost lost me. My original due date was September 9th.
After I was born the custody arrangements were due to commence. Considering my mom didn’t have a job nor anything else, she lost custody of my three sisters. She however, got me.
Growing up I often wondered why I didn’t have a father or why I didn’t have siblings, but my mom always made sure to remind me that I had sisters and a father. We kept in close contact with my Grandmother on my Fathers side. We would always talk on the phone and she would always send me gifts even if it wasn’t my birthday. She was absolutely fantastic.
When it came to someone who was a father figure in my life it had to be my Popeye (Grandpa). My Popeye from my mother’s side was one of the main male influences in my life. We had something special, we loved each other unconditionally or at least it felt that way. Him and my Grandma never had the best relationship but man did they have the cutest love story but that’s for another day. When I was young I never understood why my grandpa would sit in his room all day but even at the young age of four, I’d sit in there hours on end watching NASCAR, WWE and even Golf. I mean what four year old girl sits down and watches those things? He was the most caring man I’ve ever met. Unfortunately he died September 7th 2006, I was only 7 years old. It was my first time ever dealing with death and I didn’t know how to deal with it. He was a good man and I dedicate this post to him. I love you Popeye.
Once I started going to Elementary school, I often envied my friends because they had a father figure in their life while my Popeye only died a year ago. Again the questions always came up in my head, Why doesn’t my father come to visit? Why doesn’t he love me?
August 2009, was the first time I ever met my sisters and my father. My mother and I traveled all the way to Illinois, all went well and I even had my 9th birthday party there.
July 16th 2010, another influence left my life. My grandma (Mom’s side) died I was only 9 years old when I witnessed her take her last breath. She may have had Dementia, but she was a wonderful woman and I now know what my Popeye saw in her. She was my number one fan and would always love to hear me sing. God bless that woman.
Flash Forward to today June 19th 2016, I’ve been through a lot in my life but believe me that isn’t even the half of my testimony. Looking back on my life I wouldn’t change anything, for what it’s worth I’m actually proud to have a story such as mine to tell. God has to be the best storyteller. I know that though I’ve been through a lot in my life, it is by his will.
As I go through life I’ve realized this one thing though I may not have a physical father, I have a father in heaven who created me and formed me in my mother’s womb. He will love me more than anyone on this Earth. Not even my own mother could love me as strongly and unconditionally as our God.
Word of advice to those daughters out there, don’t take your father for granted. As I walk through the square or even through the walls of our church, I cannot help but smile at the fathers who are obviously present in their children’s life. Shout out to all you dad’s because you guys are truly the real MVP. If your dad buys you gifts or even worries about you, consider yourself blessed. Though you may not always agree with him, he’s just looking out for his daughter. Do me a favor today and tell your dad that you love him.
Today, I am a strong independent woman running after God every second of her life. Despite everything I still wake up happy and bubbly because sometimes life isn’t always a bag of skittles. Sometimes life comes running at you, but the only thing in my life that gets me up every single morning is our God. I may not have a earthly father but I have a heavenly father who has far greater things that I could ever imagine planned for me.
Go up to your dad, sit down talk to him and let him know how much he means to you. Times like those far outweigh gifts. I’d rather have pictures and memories to talk about then to have a gift that won’t mean anything in the future.
Do it for me and all the girls out there, especially the ones who don’t know they have a heavenly father who loves them unconditionally.
||Wake, Pray, Slay||